Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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