You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
