we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm passing your future prison.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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