Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
