i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
