Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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