Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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