he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
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