idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
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