call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
