Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
