people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
