she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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