her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
