My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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