Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
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