Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
