i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
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