he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
