I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
