bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
