We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
