FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
