I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
When did angry sex become our thing?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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