dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
