I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
