I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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