is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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