Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
