dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
