jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
