I just saw a hot homeless man
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
