The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
