I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
