Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
