So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
