Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
