I hope mine doesn't look like that
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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