He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
