the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
