This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
