Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Randomize
