The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
