My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just gargled with NyQuil
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