Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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