im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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