This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
