Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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