Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
