If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
