why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
