I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
