I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Be still, my beating vagina.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
