Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
